Sometimes I think I am really rocking this whole parenthood thing. Killing it. “I’m number one, and no one could be prouder, and if you can’t hear me, I’ll yell a little louder…” THAT kind of awesome.
Then, I’m driving in the car and my 5-year-old wants to play a game of “Would You Rather” (See? Killing it!) and this happens:
5yo: Would you rather be hit by a car, or eat a brownie?
Me: What?! That is NOT how you play the game. You can’t choose one awful thing and one good thing. It has to be a hard decision. Try again. (See how patient I am?)
5yo: Okay, let’s see… would you rather be stuck in space forever or sleep in your bed?
5yo: Would you rather be eaten by a bear or snuggle on the couch?
Me: What?! No! That’s not… It’s not even… that doesn’t even make sense! It has to be like two things that are terrible. Repeat after me: Would you rather lick the bottom of someone’s shoe or eat a bug.
5yo: That’s not how you play!
Me: Yes it is. Trust me. I’ve been playing this game since my sophomore year of high school.
5yo: We’re playing my way.
5yo: Would you rather be smacked by the biggest stick in the world or get a present.
Me: I’d rather get a present.
5yo: Me too! We’re totally twinsies!!
Me: My turn. Would you rather get bit by a snake or have the coolest cat in town as your mom? (wink, wink, smile)
5yo: Neither. I’d rather have you as my mom.
*sigh* Forget it. Alright, alright, maybe I’m only KIND OF killing this whole parenting thing…but I’m still going to do little cheers for myself. “I’m number one…”