What the Black Light Revealed

invisible ink2

I have some wicked important information for you. Kind of like a life lesson. I’ve posted about life lessons before, but this very important life lesson hadn’t happened yet or else I would have included it. In fact, it would have been first on the list. It’s a real doozy. This life lesson involves a microwave, an egg, an invisible ink spy pen, and an unexpected encounter with a black light. Let me begin…

On Sunday, my eight-year-old got two invisible ink spy pens as one of his birthday presents. (You know the kind that you use write stuff, but you can’t see what you’ve written until you shine a special black light onto it.) All five kids immediately got work using the pens to write all over everything, including themselves and each other (one of them claims to have also written on the wall…but I still can’t find it.) The girls drew invisible ink mustaches on themselves, invisible ink hearts on their arms, and invisible ink squiggle lines all over their legs. The boys went in a different direction with their art work. In typical boy fashion, they decided to tackle each other and then write words on each others’ faces. If they could hold the other person down long enough to draw a picture on their cheek…all the better. It was all such great fun, and at no time was I screaming at them to cut the crap.

Shortly after they decided to heed my warning and to cut the crap, my nine-year old was cooking an egg in the microwave by cracking it into a cup of water and cooking it on high for 2 ½ minutes. He learned this trick on the internet. You shouldn’t necessarily always do tricks that you learn on the internet. That is a good life lesson…but it is not the life lesson that I am talking about.

When he took the cup out of the microwave he tried to scoop the egg out with a fork, which pierced the cooked yolk and caused the egg to explode and boiling water and burning egg to burst out right at his eyes. None of us knew that could happen. We obviously never would have let him cook an egg that way if we knew. Apparently you’re supposed to pierce the yolk when it is still raw to break the membrane so the steam can escape while it is cooking. That is actually very good information, and a key life lesson. But it is not the life lesson that I am talking about.

So we rush him to the ER where they take him right in to be checked. Did you know that there is a really cool dye that they can put in your eyes that will make your eyeballs glow in the dark? Well, there is. And the doctor puts it in your eyes, turns off the light, and then uses a big ol’ black light to illuminate your eyes. A black light. Which not only illuminates your eyes, but (much to my horror) your cheeks…and your forehead.

Now pay attention, because here is the part with the wicked important life lesson: Do NOT, under any circumstance, EVER let your brothers write a word or draw a picture across your forehead in invisible ink. Just don’t. Because you have no idea how absolutely mortified your mother will be as she is standing nervously beside your bed in the pediatric wing of the ER, when suddenly the black light is switched on, and there, written across your cute little innocent forehead, in big block letters, lit up for all the world to see, is the word PENIS.

*For info on safely cooking eggs in the microwave click here

*My nine-year-old suffered 2nd degree burns around his eyes and on his wrist, but is healing up remarkably fast. He claims he will never eat an egg again.

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