I don’t usually discuss politics or anything particularly earth shattering here at Put Your Booger In My Pocket. But that is not to say that you won’t find me up on my soap box discussing serious current issues if they need to be discussed. It’s not all sippy cups and fresh kids around here. No sirree. I can get serious when the time comes.
And that time. Has. Come.
There’s an issue.
I can’t just look the other way like this is not happening…because this IS happening. It is an issue so huge that it is literally almost as important and discussion-worthy as who our next presidential candidates will be, or climate change, or whether or not it is going to rain this weekend. It’s here, and it’s an atrocity. It’s the elephant in the room that needs to be discussed.
You know what I’m talking about. The unfortunate return of the high-waisted jean.
Why is this happening? Who thought bringing that trend back was a good idea? I know no one wants to talk about it. We all just keep our heads down and pretend not to notice as our friends start to wear jeans with waistbands that are creeping ever higher. But someone has to bring it up, so it might as well be me. My god, jeans are hard enough to buy even at the best of times, and with the best of waist heights. Now this wrench is going to be thrown in the mix? Did we or did we not just recently come out of the “exploding muffin top, jeans so low you had to trim your bikini line” phase? We had people walking around with zippers on their jeans that were only an inch long. We had people sitting down and exposing their ass cracks like it was just another accessory. We had people wearing low-ride jeans who had absolutely NO business wearing low-ride jeans. None at all.
Now we’ve gone the other way. High-waisted. They pitch us the high-waisted jeans like we’re going to look like this:
All cute and sassy and long and lean. So we rush out and buy a pair, and next thing you know we find ourselves strutting around town looking like this:
And we’re like, how did this happen? Sure they are kind of super comfortable (especially the ones with the elastic waistband, ahhhhh) but they hurt my eyes to look at them. Nothing about these real-life high-waisted jeans is flattering. NOTHING. The girl on the right (up above) is even sporting a slight camel toe. And she has loafers on her feet! What kind of shirt do you even wear with these trousers? Obviously not a striped turtle neck sweater (exhibit A on the left up there). I’m also going to ixnay a white short sleeved blouse. So where does that leave us? A crop top. High-waisted jeans beg to be paired with a crop top of some sort. So that is going to be my only shopping option when I bop out to the store really quickly one afternoon because I have nothing to wear to a thing I have to go to that night. High-waisted jeans and a crop top. And loafers. And, obviously, a weird belt.
Why can’t there just be jeans that sit at a regular place on your body? Why the extremes? Here is a general rule of thumb that I think could help us all: if you can see your c-section scar, your jeans are cut too low…if the waistband on your pants is meeting up with the underwire of your bra, your jeans are cut too high. That’s it. The color of your jeans should also be taken into consideration. They should be of a darker hue, but not black. And not light. And, for the love of all that is holy, NOT acid washed.
Just regular, normal, perfectly cut, fabric-with-a-little-give, totally flattering, less than $100, jeans.