Megan Fox is Pregnant…

Megan Fox.

Megan.

Meggie.

Meggie Fox is so pretty.

She’s funny, too. I loved her in This Is 40. So funny.

So pretty and funny.

And now pregnant with her third baby. Yay, Meg! Pretty, funny, and pregnant. Awesome.

What does my buddy Meg have to say about her current preggers condition? Well, according to People.com she had this little gem to say:

“I’m always in the process of having a baby and looking like I didn’t have a baby.”

Bitch says what?!

Meg, seriously…what the hell did you just say? Here I am loving you, and you go and say something like THAT? Out loud and for the record?! Say it again. Go on. I double dog dare you. Tell me more about how you never look like you’re pregnant or have had a baby. I love hearing stuff like that. Oooh, maybe you have a story to share about how you don’t have any cellulite or stretch marks. Tell me, tell me!

Megan went on to say (same People.com interview) that there is no healthy food on set, so she just doesn’t eat and so she loses weight.

Huh.

THAT is why she says she doesn’t look pregnant? Because there is no healthy food on set? So she just decides not to eat? That’s like me saying I don’t like Milky Ways, and so I’m just not going to eat the mini Milky Ways out of my kids’ Easter baskets. Like, I’m just going to leave them there. It’s crazy talk. If there are mini Milky Ways, I’m eating them. Plain and simple. And if I was on some sort of “set” where there was only non-healthy food choices, well, I’m grabbing a chicken salad sandwich (on a white bulky roll) with a bag of Doritos on the side. Maybe I’m washing it all down with a soda. Perhaps you’d see me grabbing a pudding cup for dessert. It’s called survival. My God, Megan would never make it out in the wilderness (and by “wilderness” I mean my house.) But, fine, if she doesn’t want to gorge herself on fattening food why doesn’t she just pack a lunch to bring with her? Or maybe ask someone to run out and get her a salad. Where is Brian Austin Greene?! Can’t he just bring her a protein shake or something to the set?

What Megan needs is a level-headed group of mom-friend who will tell it to her straight. A group of friends who will tell her to put an apple in her pocket on her way out the door, for God’s sake. Keep a stash of granola bars in her purse for when she gets really hungry. Or better yet, a group of friends who will tell her just to eat the damn donut if that is all there is (and if the apple/granola bar idea is too overwhelming for some reason.)

This group of level-headed mom friends might also want to do Megan a solid and sit her down and have a real “come to Jesus” talk with her about not saying stupid things like, “I never look like I’ve had a baby.” Someone needs to tell her that those are things she should only say to herself. In her own head. In a hushed tone.

I could have been one of these level-headed mom friends to Meg. But not now. Because while she’s all, “I’m always in the process of being pregnant but not looking like it…” I’m over here always in the process of NOT being pregnant, yet looking like I’m in my second trimester. (One big meal and even I look at myself & wonder if there might be a bun in the oven. It’s annoying really, but the alternative would be to diet and exercise…and, I mean, let’s not get all crazy and drastic.)

Luckily for Megan, I don’t hold a grudge. All I need is one good, on-the-record, People.com quote from her along the lines of, “This damn pregnancy has given me stretch marks, a fat ass, and I think I might have a hemorrhoid!” That’s all I need, and I will be on Team Megan once again.

megs body

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