The Hurry Up Guy

Becoming a parent has brought me love.

Becoming a parent has brought joy.

Becoming a parent has brought me a little “Hurry Up Guy” who sits on my shoulder and screams in my ear ALL THE TIME.

He sounds like this:

Hurry up!
We have to go!
Let’s get a move on!
We’re late! We’re late! We’re late!
Fall in line!
Let’s go!
What’s taking you so long!
You need to make haste!
Why are you moving SO SLOooooooow?!
You have 5 minutes to get there before you are LATE!
You’ll be late!
Late, late, late!!
Come on! Go!
Move it!
We have to be somewhere!

It makes me crazy. Bat. Shit. Crazy.

That damn Hurry Up Guy makes my heart pound and my blood pressure rise…and not in a good way. More like in an annoying, oh-my-God-I’ve-got-to-go-faster-and-faster-and-faster-I’m-going-so-fast-I’m-probably-burning-tons-of-calories, kind of way. He makes me sweat and freak out and scream at everyone around me to hurry the hell up!

Why don’t my kids have the Hurry Up Guy on their shoulders? They’re the ones who need him. They need someone (besides me) to scream at them to get off the couch and to get in the damn car so that we aren’t late for school AGAIN. They need someone to light a fire under their butts. They need to be the ones who wildly shriek the words, “Let’s go everyone! Hurry!!”

I didn’t even know the Hurry Up Guy was part of the package when I kids. I had no idea. No one told me. Sure, I’m somewhat familiar with the little fella. I’ve had him perched on my shoulder at other times in my life. But he usually just stays for a quick visit; just for an event that I need to get to. Then he skedaddles. But now the Hurry Up Guy is like a house guest that just WON’T LEAVE! He is ALWAYS there.

The real kicker is that he screams in my ear even when I don’t need to be hurrying. Like, sometimes I have nowhere I NEED to be, but still the little guy is screaming “hurry up!!” I try to take a deep breath and remember that I don’t have to be hurrying right now. I don’t need to be in fast motion. Or do I? I’m so used to spinning around like the Tasmanian Devil that slowing down usually just means that I’m forgetting something. At least that is what the Hurry Up Guy tells me it means. He’s sort of a jerk that way.

I want the Hurry Up Guy to go on a vacation. Or take a long walk off a short pier. Or to go pound sand.

I want the Simon & Garfunkel guy on my shoulder instead.

I want the Slow Down You Move Too Fast guy.

The I Got No Deeds To Do, No Promises To Keep guy.

I’m Dappled and Drowsy and Ready to Sleep guy.

I want to let the morning time drop all its petals on me.

Life, I love you, all is groovy.

Because, seriously, life is WAY too groovy to just be hurrying through it from one thing to the next. With a weird little guy sitting on your shoulder.

See ya later, Hurry Up Guy! I’m going to go watch some flowers growing.

Doot-in’ doo-doo,
Feelin’ groovy.

4 thoughts on “The Hurry Up Guy

  1. This is so perfect!! I have this guy’s brother with me. Telling me all the same stuff. I’m not even sure I know how to do NOTHING anymore. If I’m not doing it, I’m thinking about doing it, getting ready to do it or trying to figure out how to do it while I’m also doing something else. Multi-tasking is the only way.
    Throw in a load of laundry, so while its washing I can get the bathrooms cleaned. Fold the laundry while waiting for the water to boil for dinner then put it away while one of the monsters is in the shower.
    I Plan on saying whatever it is I need to say to the kids AT LEAST 4 times before they even acknowledge that words have come out of my mouth-they have no idea what those words were as they only heard the teacher from Charlie Brown.
    I’m sorry it’s like this, but have to admit that it is somewhat refreshing to know that my house/life is not the only one with this issue.
    Thank you!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh, I love you. I hear the hurry up guy too!! And let me tell you, my guy SUCKS! Regardless of his nagging and yelling, I’m always late anyways. So, I also get Miss Excuse chiming in whispering, “blame it on the kids….tell them about all the red lights and traffic…schoolbuses, trash trucks or even an elderly driver who was driving so slow and shouldnt have his license…or how about that street gang of turkeys they’re around somewhere…if you see them you can use them as an excuse…”
    Or Bad Idea Guy…the one that says…”just cut through this parking lot or take this “short cut” and then be even later because you get lost.
    There’s literally a team of voices yelling at me all the time except for my favorite, Lazy Man aka Procrastination Man- he has this soft baritone Bedtime Magic voice that makes slumping into the couch or laying on the cold kitchen floor so appealing.
    And with that said, my kids are not anywhere close to being ready for bed and it’s 15 min past their bedtime.

    Liked by 1 person

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