10 Things I Hate About You

10 things I hate about you picture

Dear Summer,

There are so many things I hate about you. Here are just a mere ten. Ten things. Ten things I hate about you…

1. It’s too damn hot. Yes, I know summer is supposed to be warm and toasty and we are all supposed to be gloriously sun-kissed… but hot isn’t warm and toasty. Hot is hot. Trying to walk from the garage to the car with no shoes on is like trying to walk on the surface of the sun. It can’t be done. It’s too much. It’s too hot. This is just one thing that I hate about summer.

2. It’s humid. Why does it have to be so humid? 90 degrees, but feels like 100 because of the humidity? What the hell is that? Walking out my door and feeling like I’m walking into a warm sponge isn’t any fun. It’s not. And don’t even get me started on how the humidity affects my hair. Oh my God. It’s awful. Blow drying it isn’t an option because, really, standing there blasting hot air at my head just makes me sweat. So I have to let it air dry. Which is a really pretty look. To make matters worse my straightening iron broke. Humidity is another thing I hate about summer.

3. There are bugs. Everywhere. They buzz around your head, they sneak into your house, they try to eat your food. They try to eat YOU. Each winter when I’m so cold that I start fantasizing about summer, I always forget about the bugs. But then summer comes and, BAM, suddenly there are bugs buzzing around like mad. Mosquitoes are the worst. Ticks, too. And horseflies. And spiders. And black flies. And wasps. And once I saw a cicada and that was awful.

Moving on…

4. My grocery bill practically triples in the summer. Besides the fact that fruit and that kind of thing costs more money, my kids just eat SO much food in the summer. The other day my husband and I were talking about how much money groceries cost and he was like, “the problem is, you buy a package of food and they just eat the whole thing in one siting.” Ummmm….yea? So what is the option? There are 5 of them. They are chow hounds. It’s this weird dichotomy of me buying food for them to eat, and then yelling at them for eating it.

5. Things smell bad. Like, take the laundry for instance. If I don’t immediately put the washed clothes into the dryer (I’m talking IMMEDIATELY) then they get that weird, gross, sour puke smell. Then I have to rewash the whole entire load. Oh, and my car smells. All the crap that was spilled on the floor of my car during the gloriously cold winter months now festers in my car as it just sits there cooking in the sun some days. It smells like sour milk and french fries. And the beach. But not in a good way.

6. It gets dark late. Which was totes cool when I was in my 20s. But the minute I started having kids I realized that the sun going down any later than 7:30 made bedtimes a nightmare. No one wants to go to bed when the sun is still up. So everyone goes to bed late. And then sometimes the younger ones miss their sleep window so they get their second wind. Which is awful. My sleep window is basically the entire day and I have been known to fall asleep mid-sentence if it is late enough. So trying to calmly get hyper kids into bed when I can barely stay awake myself is just another reason why summer is overrated.

7. Summer reading. I know that the studies show how kids lose knowledge over the summer, and I know that summer reading is a great thing to keep their minds engaged. I’m a huge fan. Except when I have to actually try to get my kids to DO it. Then I’m no longer a fan. Then I’m all like, “why do they have to do summer reading anyways?! Jeesh!” In order to help with the summer reading process I usually read the books first. Then I try to convince them to read them. Then I try to force them to read them. Then I threaten them with what will happen if they DON’T read them. Then we read them “together” and I am like a mother bird who takes the info from the books, chews it up, processes it, and then spits it into the heads of my children.

8. Camp. Camp is expensive. But without camp sometimes summer gets boring. So we do a few little camps. Camps that they have chosen. Camps they have confirmed that, yes, they want to go to. Camps that sound awesome and that they are excited to attend. Until the first day of camp arrives and you’d think I was sending them out to a prison camp for 3 hours a day. They don’t want to go. They are bullshit that they have to go. They have absolutely NO memory of ever selecting this camp as the 4-day camp that looked like the most fun.

9. Squirrels. Are squirrels just a summer thing? Probably not. If I were a squirrel I’d be hanging around the garbage cans in the Fall. Maybe even early Spring. But not these squirrels. They are everywhere. Everytime I go outside there is at least one fat-ass squirrel booking it away from the garbage cans as if I’m not going to notice him. These squirrels are bold, too. Sometimes they hold their ground and try to stare you down. They usually win. With me, anyways. I don’t want any part of a furry disgusting woodland creature trying to non-verbally  threaten me to a duel. No thank you.

10. Gypsy moths.This summer is doubly worse than most of the previous summers because this year we have gypsy moths. Freaking disgusting gypsy moths that fly around randomly with no sense of purpose or direction like they are drunk.Here is a picture of one that my friend, Mary, took the other day.

moth

Look at that freaking thing!!! It was on her screen door just staring at her. I mean, seriously, do I need any reason other than that to hate summer? I should have called this post “One Thing I Hate About Summer” and just put that picture up and been done with it. Disgusting.

And, so, there you have it. 10 things I hate about summer. The only other thing that I hate about summer is that it is really much too short.

 

8 thoughts on “10 Things I Hate About You

  1. Awesome! I hate all these things too- especially the humidity
    And the grocery bill
    And summer reading
    And the bugs
    Wait- I think I hate it all as much as you!
    Thanks for the laugh!
    The moms night out can’t come soon enough!
    & School will be here before you know it

    Liked by 1 person

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