The other day I took a selfie. Posted that sucker right to Facebook. Just like that. Click, crop, post. Done. I gave it nary a thought. Until I DID give it a thought. And then I thought: am I too old to be taking selfies? Am I? Oh my God…AM I?
I think I am.
There should be a guide for this kind of thing. But there’s not. Well, at least there WASN’T. Now there is. It’s all right here to help those of us wondering…am I too old to be taking a selfie?
AN “AM I TOO OLD TO BE TAKING SELFIES” QUIZ. Answer “Yes” or “No” to the following questions… then just simply add up the amount of “yes” answers you have and you will find a handy guide to follow.
Here we go:
QUESTION #1 Has it ever, even once, crossed your mind to wonder if you are, in fact, too old to be taking a selfie?
QUESTION #2 Has anyone ever felt compelled to give you a brief tutorial on taking a selfie? Like, has your perky little 20-something niece ever told you that the reason you look crappy in selfies is because you’re doing it wrong, and that you need to tilt the phone AND your head at the same time, while holding the phone UP so that it is looking down at you?
QUESTION #3 Did you ever decide to try the awkward “tilting everything while holding your phone way up over your head” trick, because you thought maybe that really is the key to looking fab in a selfie…but then, once you got into position, the arthritis in your thumb prevented you from actually pushing the button to take the picture?
QUESTION #4 Have you ever tried to make the weird “selfie duck face” only to discover that, WTF, you have smoker’s lines around your mouth!? And you don’t even smoke, for God’s sake!
QUESTION #5 Have you ever taken a horrendous selfie and then panicked a little wondering if your phone could go crazy and for some reason do an auto-post of the offending pic to all your social media accounts? Even though that is impossible. (Right?)
QUESTION #6 Do you wear readers?
QUESTION #7 Do you have more than one pair of readers? Multiple readers stashed around the house? Do you have a pair of readers pushed up on your head that you have been looking for all day?
QUESTION #8 Is the font on your phone extra large so that you can actually see and read the words?
QUESTION #9 Have you ever taken a selfie and then spent a good 10 minutes staring at the picture wondering if that is what you really look like, or if the phone has just added wrinkles and age spots to your face for the fun of it?
QUESTION #10 Do you have a teenager whose “life you are ruining” just by your very existence?
If you scored 0 “yesses” you are in your 20’s. You look super cute in selfies. You should keep taking them so that one day, when you are saddled with a million children and you haven’t had a solid night’s sleep in 13 years you can hanker back to the days when seeing yourself in a picture was super fun and not a thing that made you shudder.
If you scored between 1-4 “yesses” you may want to re-evale your selfie-taking habit. Maybe just bring it down a notch. Or two. Do you really need to clog up all the storage on your phone with your selfies and your selfie outtakes? Just maybe limit the selfies to once a week or so. Maybe just for special occasions?
If you scored between 5-9 “yesses” you need to step away from the selfie stick! That’s right. Nice and slow. Not too fast. You don’t want to break a hip. Easy does it. How about I get you a nice cup of tea? Would you like me to rub your bunions for you? Maybe we should just sit quietly together under an afghan and you can tell me about the good old days while we wait for the 4pm early bird special at the local diner. There there, dear.
If you scored 10 “yesses” you are in for a real treat. You may, indeed, be too old for selfies…but you are also just old enough not to give a flying fig what people think. With age comes wisdom, right? So go on and grab your phone with your age spotted hand and go to town. Have at it. Lift the phone, tilt it just so, tilt your head just as you have practiced so many times before, and take the damn selfie. You look freaking gorgeous.