So Apple has decided to replace the revolver emoji with a squirt gun emoji when it launches its iOS 10. I, for one, am immensely relieved.
Like, PHEW! You know?
It was only a matter of time before a thorough investigation revealed that the root cause of all the terroristic mass-shootings lately was a 3cm x 2cm picture of a gun. Can you just imagine the horrific downfall of our society if this tiny emoji had been left there? Again, phew! No thank you. No thank you, indeed.
Now that we know the power of the emoji, I think there are a few other emojis in the collection that need a little tweaking.
Like, for instance, the clothing emojis. C’mon. Is that really the best they could do? There are a LOT of people walking around making questionable fashion statements…and I’m pretty sure it has to do with the clothing emoji choices.
Like, what is this?
Some weird, random, button-up, short-sleeve, purple shirt? That isn’t a cool, stylish shirt choice. No one in Vogue wears a shirt like that. Gisele would never wear a shirt like that. We would all look SO much better if they would just fix that particular emoji.
I also would like to bring into question the cloudy, rainy emoji. There needs to be a full-time emoji staff member who monitors that. If it’s a big important day (like prom or your wedding), or if you have an outdoor event planned, then the rain emoji should be temporarily disabled. Then if there is a drought situation the emoji should be activated again. Common sense people. Common sense.
The snow emoji could also use some strategy. For example, I would really enjoy some snow in December. Preferably a light flurry on Christmas Eve, and then again on Christmas Day. Then perhaps a bit of a heavier snowfall the day after Christmas when we are all hunkered down playing with our new toys. Right now it is all willy nilly and crazy, and it hardly ever snows in December anymore. I’m pretty damn sure that it is because the snow emoji is on there rubbing elbows with the sun emoji (and not at all because of climate change.) It’s the power of the emoji. It can’t be denied.
Oh, and the “angry cat looking to the right” emoji?
Whose idea was that anyways? No one needs a mad cat looking at them. It’s unnerving. People would be a lot nicer to each other if the evil feline looking to the right was deleted permanently.
And the boobs emoji?! Don’t even get me started. It is wreaking all kinds of havoc on the world. It has clearly been the cause of all us criminal moms breast feeding our babies in public. You want to talk about evil. You haven’t even seen evil until you’ve looked into the eyes of a mom lovingly feeding her child. *shudder* I’m going to have nightmares. Oh, wait…there’s no boobs emoji? Hmmm, that’s weird. So moms are just feeding their hungry babies? Okay, never mind.
Hey look, it’s the I’m just kidding winky face emoji!!!
There are some emojis that seems redundant. It’s as if there was a “come up with an emoji” contest at the office one day and so people were just throwing crap together so that their team would win the prize (a case of beer?) Like these two emojis:
What the hell? What is that, the murder emoji? We don’t need even one murder emoji on there, never mind two. Get rid of those two emojis and watch the crime rate plummet.
While we are on the subject, I see no need for the poo emoji.
But I am thrilled to death that there is a middle finger emoji.
Oh, and they really need to add an “are you fucking kidding me right now?!” emoji face. This is the best one I could find on there:
And that doesn’t really the convey the message. It conveys more of a “I don’t know whether to laugh or not so I’m just going to keep my face in this frozen straight line” kind of vibe.
I stumbled upon this emoji while I was surfing the web:
And I’m pretty sure that little yellow face rolling it’s eyes is the only thing that is missing from my life.
If someone at the emoji factory could just make these few changes to start with, I think that would be just swell. They aren’t hard changes, they are actually quite easy. And, like changing the gun emoji, these measly modifications will most likely make a humongous impact on society. How could it not? I mean, c’mon! They’re EMOJIS!!