Kids have it made. Seriously. They don’t know how good they have it. I’m not talking about scrappy 10-year-olds, or moody 13-year-olds. They don’t have it made. I’m not even talking about cute little 7-year-olds. They don’t have it made anymore either. I’m talking about the age group that really has it made…the age group that really really has no idea how good they have it. I’m talking about toddler-age kids. I’m talking about 2 year olds. I’m talking about naps.
What is wrong with these kids that they fight naptime? I would kill to be able to take a nap each day after lunch. Imagine?! Imagine being FORCED to take a daily nap? Even if you had a ton of stuff to do, skipping naptime to get it done wouldn’t even be an option, “I’m sorry young lady, but you need to stop doing those dishes and go lay down for a nap.” Fantastic! The best part is that the longer the nap, the more praise you get, “Wow! You took a great nap!” And then you’d overhear people talking on the phone about your great napping skills, “Debbie took such a good nap today!” And you’d feel like a million bucks because you are clearly SUCH a good napper. Toddlers just don’t get that napping is where it’s at.
Know where else it is at?
Going for a walk getting pushed around in a stroller. Getting to enjoy the fresh air without having to do any of the actual pesky walking. THAT is my idea of a good time. These little toddlers just don’t get it. Why do they fight to get out of the stroller so that they can walk around and possibly dart into traffic at any moment? It’s madness. I wouldn’t fight it at all. I wouldn’t even care where we walked, it would make no difference to me. Just snuggle me into a gigantic adult-sized stroller, give me a drink (perhaps a nice glass of wine) and a little baggie of goldfish, and away we go. The best part is, if I get bored all I would have to do is take off one of my shoes and whip it out of the stroller. Then I’d get to watch someone retrieve it. Stroller games are fun. Plus, every now and then the person pushing the stroller would probably stop to take a gazillion pictures of me looking so damn cute in my giant adult-sized stroller, wearing one shoe and sipping a sippy cup full of Chardonnay.
The joy of having plump legs is another thing that is lost on toddlers. They take that cute little baby fat for granted. I wouldn’t take it for granted though. I would be fully present in the moment, and completely appreciative of the joy my hefty thighs brought to all those who witnessed them. Somewhere between toddlerhood and adulthood it somehow became “uncool” to grab someone’s hefty thigh, squeal in delight at the chunky monkey-ness of it all, and take fake bites as you pretend to eat the person’s leg. I may try to restart the “fake nibble on someone’s chubby thigh” movement…but only if one of you promises to bail me out of jail if things should go awry.
Temper tantrums in the middle of the store. Those were the days. Do you know how many times I have wanted to just lay down in the middle of the aisles at the grocery store because I’m so tired and I hate shopping so much? More times than I can even count. But little kids do it all the time, and sometimes the person they are with will even buy them a prize or something just to get them to get up. A prize for throwing a fit? I want in on that action. Also, sometimes when I’m trying on jeans or something in the dressing room and I have to actually see myself in the full-length mirror under the most unforgiving light possible…I want to throw a massive tantrum. Massive. I want to start screaming bloody murder as I frantically try to rip the jeans off and quickly get back into my safe, judgement-free, elastic-waist yoga pants. Then I want to start throwing stuff around the dressing room and shrieking about how much I hate everybody. Finally, for my crowning glory, I want to sit down all “criss-cross apple sauce” with my arms folded and a scowl on my face, as I flat out refuse to leave the dressing room.
Why can’t I do all these fun things anymore? Just because I am a grown-up? That’s why I don’t get to have tantrums, and fake-bite people, and take naps?
Little kids don’t realize how damn good they have it.