Friday night is game night at my house. And Monday afternoons. Usually every other Saturday, at least…and most Wednesdays as well as Thursdays. Okay, every day. Every. Single. Damn. Day.
Here’s what we play:
Spot It: The manufacturer calls this game “addictive and feverishly fun,” I call it “holy shit, someone wrote on the wall again” Only I don’t usually spot it, because I’m somehow blind to those kinds of things. It’s usually my husband who spots it. Cringe. The Spot It game will most often lead to a rousing game of Clue.
Clue: Who wrote on the wall? That is the mystery to be solved. What is that? Is that…lipstick? Who the hell used lipstick to draw a heart surrounded by misshapen stars on the wall? I’ve got it! It was Jessica, with the lipstick, in the living room. Phew! Oh my God, I love this game so much!
Opposition: A game based on astrology. Check your calendar. If it’s a full moon you can pretty much count on the kids going bonkers bouncing off the walls with pent up energy, alternating with being completely ornery and oppositional (Oppositional, get it? The game is called “Opposition” and they’re being oppositional?) Luckily we only have to play this game approximately once a month. I hate this game like no other.
Aggravation: The game’s name comes from capturing an opponent’s piece by landing on its space, which is known as “aggravating”. Oh my God, seriously? Who came up with this game? Why didn’t they just save themselves a lot of time and name it “We All Want the Same Spot on the Couch” or “I Was Sitting There First” or “Mom! He took my spot!” We play this game a lot in the afternoons. My kids never tire of this game. Ever.
Wishful Thinking: Driving home from school pick-up I will often give the kids a run-down of how the rest of the day is going to go: We’re going to go home and have a snack. You guys can play and unwind for a bit. Then it’s homework time. We’ll have dinner, relax and then everyone is going to bed. On time. In your own beds. No one is sleeping in my bed tonight. Now THAT, my friends, is a game of wishful thinking.
Beat the Parents: My kids have NO idea how close they are to winning this game, like EVERY day. I only have so much inner strength. At some point I’m just going to give up, and they’re going to win. The writing is on the wall. But until they are wise to the huge crack in my armor, I’m just going to keep on pretending that I am unbeatable.
The Resistance: The Resistance pits a small group of resistance fighters against a powerful and corrupt government. It’s them against us. We played this game once at the mall when one of them was an infant and I had a huge stroller and probably a gigantic diaper bag over my shoulder, and I had to use the elevator to get where we were going. But the oldest (who was probably no more than 5 at the time) HATES elevators, so he promptly staged a coup. In solidarity the rest of them sat down in front of the elevators and refused to get on. REFUSED. It was horrifying.
Hungry, Hungry, Hippo: Have you played this game? Have you seen the feeding frenzy that goes on when the marbles are released? Now imagine that same scene, only it’s real life kids, not plastic hippos, on an all you can eat mission…and it’s all the groceries and snacks that you bought for the entire week that they are feasting on. It’s an ugly scene. Must. Hide. The. Food.
Perfection: We love this game. It’s such great fun. This is how we play it: I clean up while the kids are at school. Everything is in its place all nice and tidy, and then BAM! the kids come thru the door and the whole place explodes. Stuff is everywhere. (Bonus: This gives the impression to the other adult who lives in the house that you have done nothing all day except pick at your cuticles and watch The View.) Like I said, this game is SUPER fun. We play it almost every single day.
Bullshit: We only play this game of courage and deception during the school year. And usually only in reference to whether or not my middle schooler has homework. “Do you have homework?” NO. “No?” NO. “You don’t have any homework at all?” NO. “You don’t have to read any chapters in your book?” NO. “NO?” NO. “Nothing?” NOTHING. “I’m calling bullshit. Show me your assignment notebook.” Honestly, it’s June. We’ve been playing this same game of Bullshit since at least January. I’m expecting to play it again next school year. And probably every school year for the foreseeable future because none of my kids seem to be particularly psyched to take out their homework folder each night and get down to business.
All these games inevitably lead to the one and only game that is a must have if you have kids: A Drinking Game