Is This the Flu?


You know how sometimes you wake up at 3:30 in the morning…but you think it’s really 5:30 in the morning (because the clock is way across the room and all the numbers sort of blur together when you first wake up.) So you start to slowly wrench yourself out of bed, even though (for some reason) it’s really hard because (for some reason) you are so much more tired than you usually are at 5:30 in the morning. And even though every part of you is begging to just stay in bed, you get up anyways (because you’re sort of a rock star like that) and you start getting some laundry going (because laundry knows no time.)

But you notice that your head is kind of foggy, and your arms feel like they are made of lead, and you’re just like, what is going on? And it suddenly strikes you that (oh my GOD!) you must be sick. Is it the flu? You must have the flu. Yes, that’s it, the FLU! You are feeling sort of hot and cold at the same time, now that you think about it. How could this be happening?! The influenza virus has found you. It was only a matter of time, really.

So you move slowly and carefully, in your highly-fevered state (what is it, 102.5? 103? You don’t even want to know) and you make your way back to bed. So sick. So so sick. And you grab the remote (even though you are so weak you can barely even lift it) and start to flick through the channels. But (for some odd reason) all you can find are infomercials about things like getting rid of the crepey skin around your knees and cooking an entire pot roast in under 5 minutes in some sort of weird pressure cooker (that you totally are going to buy once you have regained your health.) So you focus your eyes as best you can and you look at the clock and realize that it isn’t 5:30, it’s 3:30! You’re not sick, you’re just tired. And you don’t have a fever, you’re just cold. And you feel totally healthy and great and happy because you get two more whole hours to sleep. But you can’t sleep. So you think that maybe (since you are awake anyways) you should go downstairs and do one of the BeachBody DVDs that you have (and really start the day off right.) But then you laugh and mentally high-five yourself because even though you are tired and have just recovered from the imaginary flu you are still (wicked) funny. So you roll over, and snuggle up, and fall blissfully asleep to the sound of the guy on tv talking about the wonders of the rxNutriBullet (which you are totally going to get once you wake up.)